So I’m trying this new thing; writing in English. I want to reach more people with my writing and a lot of times I feel that I can express myself better in English. My post titles are usually English, so why not the rest? Well because – as I’m writing this – I find that it’s a whole lot harder than I expected. It’s hilarious how it all fits so perfectly in my mind, but now the loss of words is ridiculous. So bear with me, I’m only trying this and will see if I get anywhere. Ha ha. If you want to read the Dutch version, click here.
So I’ve relocated and I’m starting to settle in my new environment. I found a job and recently had another job interview. It’s all going a lot faster than I anticipated so this is a good opportunity to start dating again. I don’t know why I’m thinking this, but whatever. But with no money to go out and the super humid weather here that makes my hair grow bushier every second, one does not really feel attractive. So what’s left? That’s right; the Horror of the Dating Sites. I hate them. You gotta work through so much bullshit to find the one that doesn’t have the incredible itch to send you a dick pic, just because you responded with an; “I’m good, thanks. How are you?” Cause let’s face it, the dating sites are mostly used for sex.
So after deleting my account for the third time I thought that, if I seriously want to find someone – if only for a nice evening out – I seriously have to stay on this. I’m not the kind of girl that only looks at appearances, but my future husband has to be someone I can look at for a longer period of time. You know, without disgust. Everyone I saw was questionable, there wasn’t anyone I wanted to work for. But maybe that was my problem, I thought. Being too critical and missing ‘the one’. Mistake #1.
As I decided to get over myself, I came in contact with a nice guy. He had a bit of a boring face, but I was getting over myself so what the hell. We started talking and I found out he has two beautiful girls, builds things with his hands for a living and recently started working in a bar he partly owned (I’m not sure if the last one is true, but ok). So he added me as a facebook friend and we started a conversation. The second day of the conversation he already wanted to meet. At my house. No, why?? That was too fast, I needed to prepare myself for this. You know, mentally. And why at my house? Why not go for a drink somewhere? He didn’t strike me as a guy who was just out for sex, but this made me doubt his intentions.
We continued the conversation – a boring one that is, but still getting over myself – for about two weeks when we decided to meet on a Friday. He was going to pick me up and we would go for a walk somewhere in my new hometown. Afterwards we would get a bite to eat. It was Thursday and I had this feeling, something didn’t feel right. So I texted him and asked if he was still going to come. And there came his reply: “I’ve been thinking about this all week and I don’t think I can do this. You’re a beautiful, funny and intelligent woman and I’m afraid I’m going to fall in love and I’m not ready for that. I still have some trauma of my previous relationship and I think it’s better if I focus on getting better and being with my children.”. I thought he was boring and I never even met the guy, but this felt like a blow in my stomach. My first reaction was: “what an asshole, if you’re afraid to fall in love then what the hell are you doing on a dating site??”. I didn’t say that, because even if he is an asshole and boring, he was being honest.
This was a little bit of a setback. But I was already in the motion of getting over myself and finding ‘the one’ so second time’s the charm (that’s not even what you say, I should abort this mission now!). Mistake #2. After a couple of weeks I met this other guy – online of course – and he was nice. We had good, on-going conversations and I really thought we could hit it off. But, as it turned out in real life, he was not the prettiest man on earth. At all. Now I don’t need pretty, but I do need handsome and, you know, a mans man. He was nothing like that, no he was the opposite of that. And after one date, he was already set. He didn’t need to know me at all, he had a pretty girl and it didn’t matter what was inside that girl. Wanna know how I know? Because later that evening he send me a text saying he had a great time, he was very happy that he met me and he ended the text with: Ly. Now I think you don’t fully understand what it means so let me translate that: Love You. Yeah, I don’t think I need to expand on this.
My sister had a date with a man who let her believe that he worked out every day, showing pictures of him being all buffed up. Yeah, maybe he was doing a daily brain workout, because in real life he had a belly and a b-cup. Also he didn’t have the decency to offer her a meal while it was dinner time. And he let her go home in the pouring rain whilst having a car under his fat ass. She also has a car, but went by bus so she could drink away her nervousness. Doesn’t matter, chivalry is dead.
How on earth is it possible to stay hopeful after this. And not only this, but after being alone for a long time, getting back in the game only to discover that the game exists out of men who really don’t want to be in love, men who fall in love with anyone that has any interest in them or b-cups with no manners. I know I’m exaggerating, but what am I supposed to think? I’m thinking maybe it’s not in the cards for me, but I can’t think that for too long, or I’ll lose hope in all areas of my life. So maybe I just need to let it go for now and focus on my new life and invest in myself. But I’m only human and besides needing a mate for life, I also need sex, I’m not getting any and she-devil is about to wake up.
My friend wasn’t getting any either and well there are other things to resort to if one is, you know, frustrated. She told me she ordered a dildo. A fun pink bunny dildo. And I was like, yeah that’s the spirit. Maybe my dildo will help me get de-frustrated. Mistake #3. Later that week she send a panicky voicenote saying she unpacked the dildo and was about to see if it worked. Well my dear people… it caught on fire. That’s right, the dildo caught on fire. On fire people! Imagine putting it on and you’re finally about to do your thang and Satan’s dildo sets you ablaze. And I don’t mean that in a good way obviously. I’m not touching my dildo ever again. So we can’t find a man, we’re not allowed to play with ourselves anymore. Are we getting fucked by love?!
To be continued…